Live Through This
Chapter Two: The Cartographers and Anthropologists go to War
Konni Nafai wasn’t good at meditating, but she was good at sitting and thinking. She sat silent and occasionally tried to concentrate on the air around her, the feeling of her palms on her knees, the sound of the living force…but she could never turn her brain off for very long. When she was a youngling, this challenge felt impossible to her. And as a padawan, it became something she felt the need to hide. Her master saw right through it, though. She could feel Konni’s mind racing as they sat peacefully in their meditation chamber. But Konni would just try to explain that she felt her time could be spent on more interesting things. Things like studying star maps and navigational databases.
These, of course, were the things she was thinking about when she’d pretend to meditate. Konni never once thought her inability to quiet her mind was a flaw, or something that would distance her from the force. She felt her connection to the force most keenly when she was focused on the galaxy, and all the places she could see in it. She could feel where these planets in her maps were. It was like she was being pulled in every direction at once. But not in a bad way. It was more like the endless expanse of stars was welcoming her in, asking her when she’d finally make her way to them. That’s how Konni felt about it, at least. Those who knew her would probably describe it more as an obsession with getting as far away from Coruscant as humanly possible.
Konni couldn’t deny that. She liked Coruscant just fine, but she’d spent nearly all her life there, on the upper levels. She’d come to the Order at the age of three, and had very few memories of her life before. All she knew was that she lived in a beautiful desert, where cacti towered over her and red sand crunched beneath her feet. That was Ryloth, the homeworld of her people, the Twi’Leks. And it was technically her homeworld, but nothing about it stuck with her. She spoke with a common Galactic Basic accent, she knew next to nothing of Twi’Lek culture and religion. She was, sadly, Coruscanti. And Konni wanted nothing more than to see the red sands and green cacti of Ryloth again, and the thousands of other worlds out there waiting for her.
She got her first chance to leave Coruscant at the age of eleven, when she and her youngling clan were sent to Ilum to build their first lightsabers. She'd studied this planet, knowing that they would one day meet, but when she finally arrived on the icy surface she was just as taken aback as her clan mates. This wasn't anything like Coruscant, or even Ryloth. This place was empty, but felt inviting at the same time, as if it had read about her, too.
Every rare scrap of light that hit the snow lit up in shades of silver and gold. Konni, not known for being especially attuned to Jedi dogma, understood immediately that this place was holy. It was in the glittering on the snow, the smell of the cold air, the echoes in the caverns. This was a real temple, not like the one she called home on Coruscant. Ilum was a place where spirits lived.
Ilum was a test, of course. It wasn't a simple extraction of kyber crystals, for that would be too simple for the Jedi Order. Everything was a trial. Ilum got inside their heads, made them confront doubts. For some, it even induced hallucinations. For Konni, it just raised her blood pressure. She was in a fever, she'd never felt such joy and love in her life. Her first trip to somewhere completely alien to her had awoken something, and it would never be quiet again.
When she found her kyber crystal, it
She stayed in the cavern where her crystal was born for awhile, even while knowing the clock was ticking. She wanted to remember this moment, this feeling, when she got back to the temple and was once again in the noise of the Kybuck Clan dormitory. She reveled in this moment, this world, for as long as felt necessary, and then returned to the entrance of the sacred caves with time to spare. She ended up being the first one back.
Konni didn't know it yet, but this was the root of every doubt the Jedi Masters had about her. She was prideful, and self-assured. Mature for her age, but not necessarily in a good way. Headstrong. She wasn't as introspective as they'd have liked her to be. By the time she was back on Coruscant with a new lightsaber in hand, plans had been set in motion to pair her with a teacher who was her opposite in every way, in hopes of guiding her away from that fever she felt in the Ilum caverns.
Master Lani Lonara—a Duros, well known for her knowledge of galactic cultures and healing abilities, had selected Konni as her student even though they'd rarely interacted. Konni remembered her watching a few initiate sparring matches, and teaching a class once in force healing, but she'd never thought much about her until she asked Konni to be her Padawan. What Konni didn't know was that the matter had been discussed at length. Konni wasn't entirely chaos, she loved maps, why not pair her up with one of the Jedi Order’s anthropologists, maybe encourage the girl to turn her odd obsession into an area of study? If they weren't careful, one of the Shadows would scoop up a firebrand like Konni, and then they'd never see her again. No, better to have her study under someone who could help her grow past her rebelliousness.
Master Lani was a minimalist in all things: she wore her robes plain, her words were few, her presence quiet but unmistakable. Where Konni was a firework, Lani was a candle in a dark room. Steady. Patient. A flame that never flickered. Her goal was simple: teach Konni the value of waiting. Of stillness. Of not chasing every star she saw, but instead learning to listen to the Force long enough to know which stars were truly calling her. It was a tall order. But Master Lani Lonara, true to form, wasn’t in a hurry.
Despite being selected as a Padawan by someone who was Konni’s polar opposite, Lani wasn't a bad Master to have. She met Konni where she was, and tried to understand her interests. When she realized that every meditation session was just Konni pretending to quiet her mind while she daydreamed, she suggested projecting a star map in the room, and letting Konni meditate on that. It worked, to some extent, but there was no peace within this girl. She could focus, but not let go. She resented being sent to this drab woman to have her spirit shrunken, as she saw it. But she trusted that the force had her back.
Konni’s restlessness was fine, for the time being. Master Lani saw no merit in forcing serenity upon someone who had not yet seen its use. Instead, she gently redirected. Their sessions became lessons not in detachment, but in connection; across cultures, across histories, across worlds. If Konni wanted to chase stars, then she'd teach her how to listen to the stories they carried with them.
When Konni was thirteen, these lessons evolved into field missions. Master Lani was often sent to worlds new to the Republic to mediate political disputes and to help aid their more traditional healers in the transition to mainstream galactic medicine. She didn’t go to convert, but to blend. It was a tense and delicate balance most of the time, and for their first several missions Konni’s only job was to observe. She didn’t mind, as any excuse to leave home was good enough for her. And the work interested her. She would never be the healer or anthropology genius that Master Lani was, but she cherished every new world she experienced and every culture’s vision of healing.
It was on one of these missions that Konni first traveled to the fourth moon of Wrari.
Wrari was a gas giant that glittered in shades of green and gold, orbited by seven moons. Three of which were inhabitable. The Fourth Moon, nearly an afterthought when it came to the much more influential First Moon, was a wild and strange place, Konni learned in her studies leading up to their mission. Deep in the Wrari jungles there was a Jedi monastery, but this was not their destination. They were headed to the capitol city to mediate a union dispute on behalf of the Fourth Moon’s farmers. Their exploitation by the First Moon was legendary, and Lani was something of an expert on their culture, as far as outsiders went. She’d spent time at the monastery as a padawan, studying their culture and medicine.
The Fourth Moon of Wrari was the exotic, entirely new sort of place that Konni could only have dreamt of. Most of the planet was a dense jungle, only interrupted by the occasional grassy plain, most of which had been turned into farmlands. The capital city of Stanoi sat at a junction between these two landscapes, half of the metropolis shaded by towering trees and the other half baked by the sun. Stanoi sprawled, climbed mountains, and carved itself into rocky tunnels. It was a city, but not the way that Coruscant was. It didn't overtake its natural environment, it was a reflection of it. Konni was enchanted.
They were given chambers in a local hotel, a golden stone building with cracks in the walls and vines creeping through the glassless windows. The beds were low to the floor and piled with furs and tapestries. From the balcony, Konni could see beasts of burden trudging through the streets and children playing games. Though Stanoi was run down, it was a lively place. The air smelled of spices and music could be heard at all hours. It was a magical place.
Jedi Master Krey from the monastery had journeyed on foot for three days to reach the city, accompanied by his padawan Laika. After briefing them on the situation between the unions and the Tasch, mediation began, and the padawans were expected to spend a whole day watching and listening. This sort of thing was agonizing for her, but she was rewarded for her patience by being given the second day off. She and Laika were free to explore the city of Stanoi on their own. It was the first time Konni was completely unsupervised, she realized.
Laika was a year older than she was, and had been to Stanoi three times in the year she’d spent on the Moon. Konni followed her around like a prophet. They left their quarters at dawn, and spent an entire day doing nothing but wandering. Konni began to see what her life would look like. This was what eased the restlessness of her mind. Every new thing she and Laika experienced brought her closer to her own personal understanding of the Force.
The negotiations ended that day, and favorably for the unions. They were invited to a feast in Master Lani’s honor that was the best meal Konni had ever eaten, simply because she didn't know what any of it was. She guessed that there must be at least a few Wrari on Coruscant, but their cuisine hadn't caught on there. Konni liked it though, hot and rich and punishingly spicy. When dinner was finished, they stayed around the table until well after dark, and Konni didn't care that she didn't speak the language. She revelled in the newness of it all. She sat next to Laika and they laughed until their cheeks ached. Their Masters let them each have a glass of wine. That night remained a cherished memory throughout Konni’s life.
When the party ended and Konni followed her Master back to the hotel, she looked to the trees and saw that they gave off a soft green glow. She had of course heard of bioluminescence, seen holos of it, but to see it in person confirmed everything she ever suspected about the galaxy: that it was a vast, and fascinating place and if she wanted to experience all of it she had to start now and never stop. They only spent those two nights on Wrari, but it was enough. It had already shaped her life, her future, and her career in the Jedi order. By learning its environment, its people, it had opened up to her in a way nowhere else ever had. Even in hyperspace on their way back to Coruscant, she could still feel where it was, like she had tied a string around the planet and held it still.
As Konni learned to focus her obsessions into something she could make sense of, she began drawing maps. Strange, convoluted things took a lot of effort for someone not sensitive to the Force to parse out. She had an eerie talent for navigation. A supernatural spacial awareness well beyond that of most Jedi. She called these maps her webs, and they were what eventually led her to her career as a Shadow. Established routes meant nothing to her. She could make her own way through the galaxy, nearly undetected.
Wrari was one of the first systems she mapped, and it held a special place in her heart. Throughout her apprenticeship, and even well into adulthood, she always hoped to visit the Fourth Moon again. Being a Shadow mostly had her on the fringes, slinking around the seedier spaceports and outposts of the galaxy, but she’d always meant to come up with a reason to go back. Ideally, with Laika, who had remained close to her ever since then. But Konni could have never guessed that the thing that would finally bring her back would be a galactic war.
This war had upended everything Konni had ever known. She’d spent her life studying cultures, healing, and history. She’d trained so long and so hard to be a Shadow, essentially a stealth operative.And now, she was a General. And this, while she was still adjusting to the newness of being someone’s master. She'd taken a Padawan not six months before the battle of Geonosis, and while they weren't there for that particular battle, they were quickly summoned back to Coruscant for reassignment. Wartime had no use for Shadows, cartographers, or friendly strangers blowing through town. Konni’s proficiency with healing, navigation, and tactics meant she and her Padawan were on the front lines within a matter of weeks, with an army to back them up.
The whole business didn't sit right with Konni, not in any way. She tried to refuse a battalion. She tried to argue that she and her apprentice were best kept as covert agents. But as a Shadow, she was relatively inexperienced, and all her requests were denied. She was now in command of an attack battalion made up of men younger than her Padawan. If she thought too hard about it, it made her sick. She just tried to think about what would happen on the other side of this, when the war was either won or she died fighting. Then, maybe, her Padawan could have some chance at a normal life and her troops could find some autonomy.
They'd already been in more battles than she could count when they arrived on Wrari, and she didn't even have time to assess the changes the city of Stanoi had undergone when their drop ship brought them into the burning town center. It was utter devastation. Townspeople’s bodies littered the streets. Konni felt the pull to go to them, to heal, but Konni, her Padawan, and their battalion were already moving. They couldn’t help anyone in the midst of the slaughter. A storm rolled in almost as soon as they did. It crushed them under four days of rain, and by the time it broke, they’d lost a full third of their troops.
They’d been sent in to assist with an unexpected attack. The Masters currently living in the Monastery had reported CIS forces on the moon, and then gone radio silent. Jedi Master Keuil Kashi was originally sent in to assist, and called for reinforcements. Konni and company were those reinforcements, but it had taken them this many days to even reach their position. The city of Stanoi was designed in a way that made landing a starship impossible, and the density of the jungles had the same problem. Landing in the fields was the only option, and if it hadn’t been for the rain and enemy forces, it would have taken them mere hours to reach master Kashi. But they’d been unprepared for what they would find on the moon. Konni still couldn’t wrap her head around what was happening here.
All around her, Stanoi burned. Once a place of dance halls and high towers strangled by creeping vines, it was now a shattered husk. Separatist tanks rumbled through the streets, their treads grinding stone into powder. Squads of clanking droids advanced under heavy cover, methodical and merciless. They’d only had hours to recover from taking out the first CIS battalion, and now they were back in the thick of it. At least, this time, their allies were in sight and the skies were clear.
“Left flank—now!” Konni barked, her voice sharp amid the chaos.
Her Padawan, Starlight, this eerie and strange little Givin girl, landed beside her with youthful fire, blue saber blazing. She was a blur of energy, vaulting over a crumbled archway and deflecting blaster bolts mid-air before landing in a crouch. She moved in ways that Konni couldn’t fathom, like a living ghost, sailing through the wreckage.
“Already ahead of you, Master!” she called, slicing a droid clean through the chest.
“General! Nice of you to join us,” a voice called from behind her.
The voice was identical to that of all clone troopers, but she could tell through the force that this trooper was not one of her own. “Sorry we're late, where's Master Kashi?”
“Dead, Sir. Just this morning. We’re glad to see you,”
Konni felt a stab to her heart. She didn't know Master Kashi well. He was a good Jedi, he taught the initiates before the war, but that's all she knew of him. And now he was gone, slain just hours before his call for reinforcements was answered.
“Okay,” Konni said quietly, wrapping her mind around this new information, before repeating it aloud so the clone could hear, “Okay. Follow Commander Starlight left, focus on those assault vehicles. 413th, follow me. We're going forward,”
The 413th, their white and green clone armor cracked and streaked with soot, moved in behind her. Commander Hops took cover beside a broken column and signaled. “Suppressive fire! Push them back!”
Blaster fire lit the haze as clones poured shots into the advancing droids. Seared metal fell, they advanced. Konni felt her confidence build, but then the ground shook. From the far side of the plaza, two AAT tanks rolled into view, their turrets swiveling, targeting the Jedi and their troops. They’d barely survived the last two.
Konni’s eyes narrowed. “They’ll pin us down in seconds.”
Starlight suddenly dropped beside her, panting. “This is the last of their forces on the moon, we have to take them out, Master, we’ve come too far.”
“Then we change the field,” Konni said, assessing what they had to work with. She was done with this whole ordeal. They’d lost too much to be cut down in the eleventh hour. The nature of this battle had changed so much over the last few days, and while she started out mourning the loss of the beautiful city of Stanoi, now she felt her only course of action was to bury the tanks in whatever she could. She looked up at the rough stone buildings around them. There. The tower was ancient, weathered by centuries, its upper section barely held up by a cracked support beam. Thick jungle vines gripped its base like skeletal fingers.
“The tower,” she said. “Bring it down.”
Starlight nodded. They moved together, switching off their sabers and focusing in. The battle raged around them, but as the stone began to crack, Konni could hear Sergeant Eyes behind her shouting to his men to take cover.
The Force surged between them.
The tanks fired, blasts erupting from their turrets and barely missing them. Chaos erupted behind them, and Konni felt the pain of injured troopers rippling towards her, but it would soon be over. She was ending this thing.
With a groaning crack, the tower shuddered. Stone broke. And then, with a crash like thunder, the structure collapsed. A storm of debris rained down, and the lead tank vanished beneath the falling mass. A fiery explosion burst through the rubble as Konni knelt and covered Starlight with her own body.
The second tank jolted to a halt, rocked by the impact, and ignited as the fire from the first reached it. A second rain of debris. Dust heavy in the air. As the shower of stone and metal subsided, Konni lifted her head from where it was buried in Starlight's robe, and looked to where the tanks had just been.
Commander Hops didn’t hesitate. “Now!” He fired rapidly, the rest of the clones following suit to take out the remains of the battle droids. Starlight quickly extricated herself from Konni and danced through the remnants, cutting through confused battle droids as Konni walked behind her, measured and resolute. Within minutes, the last clanker fell.
Silence followed.
Sergeant Eyes approached, helmet scorched. “Update from the Commander, General. Hops is creating two teams; one to secure the perimeter and another to begin searching for civilians and administer medical care. No word still from the Jedi outpost.”
Konni looked toward the mist-covered cliffs beyond the ruins. “We’re going to have to try to find them. Just because the Seps are out, doesn’t mean they won’t come back. They attacked for a reason. Master Kashi didn't make contact, did she…” Konni turned to the trooper beside Eyes, the one who had informed her of Kashi’s death.
“CT-1161, Fiend. And no Sir, we arrived to investigate the radio silence from the outpost and their reports of Seppies, and were met with an army of clankers larger than anyone would expect on a planet like this. Can't confirm, but I would hazard a guess that no one’s alive at that outpost..”
“Fiend, thank you. I guess we'll have to go look for ourselves, then.”
“Yes Sir, we'd be happy to join you. I have coordinates to the outpost, Master Kashi had planned to split us into two parties, if you'd like, we could–”
“No, thank you. I think we should stick together. I know this planet. The jungle isn't as straightforward as it looks.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Share the coordinates with Commander Hops, and start planning our route to the outpost. It's in the jungle, we won't be able to land a ship anywhere near it. We'll need to go on foot.”
Fiend saluted, and turned away to discuss the journey with Eyes. Konni exhaled, suddenly feeling done in, and sat on the dusty ground.
Starlight, exhausted but oddly smiling, sat down beside her. “I can’t believe we survived that, Master.”
Konni squeezed Starlight’s shoulder. “Honestly, I can’t believe it either.”
The fires in Stanoi had dulled to embers. Smoke drifted lazily through the broken city, casting long shadows in the golden afternoon light. The clones were sweeping the perimeter, stacking droid parts and securing the area. The air still carried the scent of burning metal and scorched stone.
Konni took in Stanoi finally, feeling it, trying to understand all that had to happen for that colorful place from her childhood to become so desolate. She couldn't feel anything but pain from her surroundings, growing ever more intense as the troopers began ushering civilians out of ruined buildings and into the secured area. It was a sick thought, but feeling other people's pain was preferable to the complete emptiness within herself that had been growing lately.
She only let herself have a moment to catch her breath before she stood up again, shaking from the stim crash and feeling sick to her stomach. She'd need protein packs, water, more stims, and eventually sleep if she was going to be of real use, but first she'd do what she could for the civilians. Walking to where her medics were beginning to administer aid, the air grew thick with the scent of drying blood and bacta. This was the smell of war; far more than the smoke and ozone.
She didn't know if these people would see her as their liberator, or as just another colonizer and invader. But if they were willing to receive their aid, she'd give it, and worry about her mission later. Despite the war’s complete upheaval of what the Jedi stood for, she could at least hold onto what her Master had instilled in her; that star systems were not points on a map for her to collect and adore, but cultures of people deserving of respect. As Konni reached where their medics were unloading supplies, she was beginning to feel frustration once again about how little she was about to teach Starlight, beyond martial abilities.
“Respect for a people, understanding of a culture, is a gift to you. Not a gift bestowed upon them. Your respect and curiosity should be compulsory.” Konni said to Starlight, a twinge of anger in her voice.
“Huh?” Starlight said, looking up from the medpack she was opening up.
“Nothing. Just–remember that, alright?”
“Yes Master, of course,” her Padawan said, returning to her work.
Konni located a suture kit, and set to work patching together the people she'd had part in ripping apart. After all, would the CIS have invaded if the Jedi didn't already have a presence on the moon? She didn't know, but she figured the next bout of sleepless nights would reveal much of what was happening on the Fourth Moon.